While you're still young

Recently I had a chat with a girl from my past. She's now engaged and planning a family. Yes, congratulations are in order. She's a bit over 20. Isn't it a bit too early? Sure, love is wonderful and its great to share the world with that special someone. But as I see it, now (while young and free) is the time to do the things you probably can't do later in life.

I'm not just talking about having children. Its about all the responsibilities you take that will stop you from being free, be it taking a loan from a bank (for a home), car payments, starting a life-long career in some MNC or whatever. The things you own end up owning you. We're going to have a "secure" job and (some sort of) a family for the rest of our lives, so what's the rush? Now its the time to breath life, eat life, drink life... Travel overseas, live in a foreign country, discover the world, discover who you are and what do you want to do with your life.. Later on you are too busy to do all those things, you have too much responsibilities and you can't just take off and go on a voyage.

Guy Kawasaki wrote about the same thing: "Delay, as long as possible, the inevitable entry into the workplace and a lifetime of servitude to bozos who know less than you do, but who make more money."

A while back I read about this young woman who said: “I want to make sure I've saved up a lot...that way I can have at least some fun in my life.” I don't get it. Why wait until you are old to enjoy life? I see many people instead of enjoying being young becoming serious adults and work their asses off. So when they once retire can go travelling and start doing things they love. I think it might be too late then. Okay maybe not too late, but I'm sure you enjoy life much more while you're young and restless!

About getting married and stuff. If you have been together for x years then I can understand, you need to take the relationship to the next level for many reasons. But when you marry too young or too soon, then I think its a big risk. You most likely don't know who you are and you probably even don't know whom you are marrying. Clash in value systems and aspirations can be painful.

There was some statistics which said that people who marry very young (under 22 or so) are 50% more likely to divorce compared to the older group (in a world where half of the couples divorce anyway). Probably it makes sense to live a little before you go on marrying someone. Love can go on without it.

That girl told me that she doesn't see what she would miss out on. Experiences! And life is made out of experiences. Sure, she will have other kind of experiences. But those you can get later on as well. I say while you're still young - take advantage of it!


Kristiina said...

May be it's from a female point of view or am I kind of different but I don't agree with having a family cutting down your freedom to minimum - no trips, no fun, just work and loans.

From my own experience and from what I've seen from my friends, if you feel like sharing life with someone takes away your freedom, then it's a wrong person you are with. Of course some compromises are inevitable but that's something one needs to do from time to time even when living alone.

I don't think that there are some perfect people nor perfect soulmates but it is very possible to find or end up with someone who doesn't restrict you. And children - they only add sunshine and are very able to travel along and hang around without any big changes to adopt them. It all depents on parents.

That's just what I think and experience...

Peep said...

My point was not that don't share your life with somebody, au contraire. I think love's great. My point was that there's no rush to tie yourself down with certain responsiblities to soon, and yes, getting children is one of them. Children are great, no doubt about it, but why hurry?

This gives you much more responsibilities and you can not do many things, since you are responsible for your kids, have to provide and so on. This means it's difficult to go on a hitchhiking trip or go work as a volunteer in Africa. I'm not talking about 4 days vacation. There are just some things you can't do anymore, or its more difficult.

Kristiina said...

Hmm.. well... I do think of going abroad to do my masters and then work as a volunteer in some developing country AFTER I've had a baby.. Seriously!

But I guess I'm an exception rather.. So you are wright in general in this point.

ali.shirazee said...

dude i totally agree with you, well said hahaha

Luba said...

I could say, that nowadays a lot of men (at least with whom I have a chance to talk about it) think the same even when they are not young at all... :D Or maybe some of them start to think about the hitchhiking trip or Africa at the older age. :D
But it is always good to realise what you want from life, have clear picture. In this case there are less problems and misunderstadings within relationships. :)

sarah said...

Well, obviously you know I agree about prolonging freedom...But I was thinking: I do know a handfull of people and families who live very free lives: living in different countries, having flexible jobs, etc. I think it might be a culturally engrained notion that you have to "settle down" eventually, and therefore the idea can be called into question. Hopefully it is possible to live an entire life feeling free.

I think the point (while being young)is to develop yourself sufficiently before you have other people depending on you. It takes a different amount of time for each person.

I love the English blog :)

Luba said...

Sarah, I am totally agree with your point. :)

And I think, nobody can't make you feel unfree, if you are not thinking this by yourself. I have heard one interview of a prisoner, where he said that he didn't feel that he is limited in freedom in a prison. And this is because in his mind he is free, e.g. even if he can't go somewhere, he is able to imagine it in his mind.